Assignments and Writings

Flashback (assignment part 2)

2004-12-09T13:23:00.000-05:00

Part of college composition is the writing of blogs (combination of the word web and log). Over the semester I've written a good amount of blogs which I am fairly proud of since I didn't often keep up on work in previous english classes. There are two key entries though that stick out in my mind are the one called "Hail Kitty" even though I meant to spell hail in german which I soon found out was heil. The other was the assignment on myself called "You laugh because i'm different I laugh because you are all the same" which is a quote from the lead singer of Korn, Jonathan Davis. I liked the one on myself because I think that the way I wrote it was pretty creative. I got good reviews on it too from family, friends, and my teacher. Heil Kitty was also remembered though simply because I love my cat whose actual name is Gabriel but I just stick to calling him Kitty. I've gone over alot of subjects in my blogs from my random rants to my first job to some personal issues. It felt good to get some of the stuff off my chest that I did and get it into the open even though not many see these blogs compaired to popular websites, but to me it isn't about how many see it just the fact that I wrote about it and got it out. As for my favorite entry though, the one out of all that I really liked, I would have to go with the self analyzation one (The one I mentioned above). Mainly because of the reasons I stated, it's creative and seemed everyone liked it.

Evaluation (Assignment part 1)

2004-12-09T13:13:00.000-05:00

Over the course of the semester I can say that I havn't learned alot, but what I have learned is important. I definatly think the quality over quantity is a good thing here because in english classes I usually tend to retain little information. I improved on my main faults which were cama splicing and not being able to think of stuff to write. Definatly an easier english than others because I enjoy computers much more than hand writing and books. I was surprised that it was all on computer, but definatly not dissapointed. Luckily I got a free trip for college, but even if I hadn't I wouldn't really think this class is a waste of money. It's informative, easy, laid back and you get college credit for it. Not such a bad deal if you ask me. Only thing I didn't really like is the having to check 2 other blogs a week, but that is probably just with me because I have a tendancy to not follow repetative deadlines. If there is an essay due on a deadline no problem, but something that needs to be updated over a period of time I end up swaying away from it. I definatly think the class should continue the use of blogs and computers in general since it is just as good as hand writing and giving it to a teacher except the neither the teacher or student has to deal with a mess of papers to organize and correct. Overall this is a good class to take. There isn't much pressure at all, it's fairly simple, and you can learn a good amount of important information when it comes to writing.

My First Job (Assignment)

2004-11-29T09:11:00.000-05:00

Jobs, everyone tries their first one sooner or later. Some like their jobs and some hate them; thankfully for me I didn't mind my first job. It was fairly laid back and simple to do. I didn't have to wake up early or work really late, I only really had two functions to do and to top it off it was owned by my aunt.
Usually I got up around 9:30 in the morning since I was supposed to be there by 10. It was right down the road and I didn't take long to get ready. The Old General Store, that was the name of my aunt's antique shop. I was in charge of running the cash register and helping out customers who were looking for something in particular or had questions. First thing was first though I had to get myself out of bed and try to look presentable. At this time I had long hair, but I didn't have my piercings so it all kind of balanced out. Mornings pretty much consisted of getting a large Tupperware bowl of cereal, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, then getting dressed and heading out. The hours were easy, there was always someone else who knew how to run the register and answer questions since I wasn't a main part of the store or anything so if I happened to be a few minutes late it was alright. I knew that I could get away with missing a few days, but I wanted a feel for what a job was like even if this one was a little far from a real job since it was a little too laid back.
So I'm there, some non-torn jeans, a clean t-shirt, clean hair out of my face...yea I’m presentable. I say hi to those I know and sit down at the stool behind a glass counter which displays some of the smaller antiques. Now some may think this a boring job, but I found ways of entertaining myself. Unfortunately one of those ways included some pepper spray. I had never seen what pepper spray looked like and I was too impulsive to actually read the label so I had pushed the button and as soon as something sprayed out I let go of it. It sprayed for about a second, literally just a second, and it STILL was enough to spread around the general area causing everyone to start coughing and covering their face. The room wasn't even that small, I was pretty surprised how strong the stuff was. The door was opened and fan put in place to circulate the air. As for the days without such adventures I usually registered what was sold and for how much from which dealer. My aunt had more than just her own antiques since the place was rather large she had booths of different people as well, if I remember correctly there were about 30 or so booths. If someone didn't know where something they might be looking for was I usually could help them out or at least find my Aunt Carol to ask her. Hours pass by, business comes and goes, and I am here with nothing to do. After the pepper spray incident I was a bit more hesitant to try and find forms of entertainment. It was around 7 in the evening when I was allowed to go and I didn't waste much time getting ready to leave.
When 7 came around there was a ritual for me leaving, I was to shut down the computer, go out and take in this big dumb old flag that had the word open on it, and make sure everything was clean around where I had worked. My aunt was usually in the back making sure stuff was put away and such, while a few of her friends stuck around to re-organize their booths. So I shut down the computer and went out to get the flag, rolled up the flag and sat it outside near the door then checked over my area and headed out. The day was over and it wasn't even that bad, I figure at least I had some human interaction as opposed to being in the back of some restaurant doing a reclusive repetitive job. Even got paid weekly too which wasn't too bad, may not have been a lot but I didn't do a lot either so I wasn't complaining at all.
Eventually I ended up getting distracted by my personal life and since this was not a required job, just an experience to help me get the feel of what a job may be like, I told my aunt that I needed to focus elsewhere for right now and she had no problem with that. The job was really just a summer job pretty much anyways. She doesn't own the business anymore because it was too stressful so she decided to just sell it off to one of her booth owners. I don't have a job at the moment, but I’m currently looking, I’ll just have to make sure when I get one not to expect the laid back amount of work I got from my aunt...and defiantly not to touch anything out of curiosity without reading labels first.

Process Essay (Assignment)

2004-11-09T11:32:00.000-05:00

“Damn cat!” is a phrase I hear all too often in my house and it usually comes from my grandmother. When I hear her yell it that is my queue to go and catch the would be hit and run criminal. Whether he destroys what was once recognizable as a bouquet of flowers or leaves a trail of small chocolate cat paws leading away from a now partially frosting covered cake it is usually my job to catch him and take him into protection until my grandma cools down. This task can be fairly easy or incredibly annoying, but either way it consists of three main steps which are spotting him, trapping him and finally picking him up.
The angry voice of my grandmother is like a warning call to my cat which pretty much translates to “If I catch you you’re in deep shit”. So being the mischievous smart cat he is he knows full well he was going to do something wrong before he did it, the trick for him was to just not get caught in the act. Now that he was caught he fled the scene and that’s where I come in. My search starts by asking my grandma which way he went and I end up trying to follow him, after doing this for a while it becomes fairly easy to find him since he has certain spots he likes to hide that only him and I know about. I usually either see his eyes glimmering from the darkness of the basement steps or half of his furry face peeking around the corner from under my grandparent’s bed to see if the coast is clear. When I finally spot him I move towards him, but not right to him, not just yet.
Step 2 comes into play now, trapping him. As I said before “The Bastard” as I like to call him usually is either in my grandparents room or the basement both of which have doors to block off his escape. So once I get into either area I close the door and the chase begins. Judging by the gleam in his eye I think he taunts me and actually enjoys this and practically taunts me to catch him. I can’t really blame him though, being an indoor cat must get boring quite a bit so I guess he does what he does for some sort of thrill, even if it risks the wrath of my grandmother. So now he is trapped, and he knows it because once he hears that door click he scampers off to find some spot that is near unreachable without having to move something. Whether it be a chair or a box it doesn’t matter because to him it’s just a distraction, once you start to move it he runs off making your attempt completely pointless….as I said...taunting me.
Eventually I got him cornered and he can’t run, now comes the hard part trying to distract him with one hand while I scoop him up with the other. His defensive position usually is laying on his side facing whoever is going for him. His pupils go wide and his paws get ready despite the fact that he has no front claws he still hugs the arm and rapidly digs with his back claws. Usually though he knows this isn’t a real threat so he attacks lightly usually not doing more than puffing up the skin and not actually breaking it or causing any bloodshed. Finally my arm goes down to scoop him up, sometimes suffering the sting of his fangs sometimes too quick for him either way though he ends up letting out a cry of defeat which usually sounds like his pretty pissed that you picked him up almost as if he views it as cheating.
Unfortunately these steps are something often repeated…actually now that I think about it that isn’t so unfortunate. He likes the attention needs some fun and a cakes frosting being smeared isn’t such a bad thing compared to the important stuff he could actually break. Despite my grandmothers high-strung ranting of the cat I know he only wants some attention and action. Even if he does cause some mischief every once in a...well...no not really a while, quite a bit actually, he is my cat and I still love him.

Contrast Essay (Assignment)

2004-10-27T09:34:00.000-04:00

Body modification, some see it as a hobby, some as an art form or way of expression and some as a childish act of rebellion. Body modification can range anywhere from simple ear piercings to full blown branding and scalpeling(cutting designs into the skin). Though there is a wide range of body modification types the two most common forms are tattooing and piercings. Originally such things were used as rights of passage in ancient tribal customs, but in modern day they have grown to become a quickly uprising deviance. Though at the rate it is growing it could soon become a norm of society, in some sub-cultures it already is. When looked at more deeply piercings and tattoos are quite different whether it is the pain of the experience, the detail of the expression, or the reaction difference at the sight of the two.
When people mention getting piercings and tattoos to others there are usually one of three reactions that will be receieved. The first would be the mention of how stupid someone might think it is, doing that to your body and such. These kind of people usually tend to be more old fashioned, judgmental and misunderstand the reasoning of it all. Some people may think it is to just try to "be cool" instead of a form of expression. Unfortunatly some people do it just to try to fit in and not any other reason. The second reaction may be one of interest, finding out where the piercing or tattoo will be, what the tattoo will be off if it is a tattoo, questions of that sort. The third reaction will be one of pain, people questioning you asking "Won't that hurt?" "Are you crazy?". Tattoos and piercings do hurt usually, some to different degrees than others. Some people embrace the pain and become addicted to the rush of it where as some people are just wanting it to be done and over with. I know that I myself tend to get more of a rush from it and it becomes a sort of addiction. I remember the first line I heard when I was getting my piercing "And a new addict is born" as the needle went through my eyebrow and I felt the rush of it all. Piercings are a quick and over with type of pain, when I am asked what it feels likes usually I compair it to a novicain shot from the dentsists office all done in about a second. Where as a tattoo usually tends to be more drug out because the accuracy of the artwork and the needle goes in and out rapidly. The feeling of the rush and some wanting it done and over with is the same as piercings however. So there are piercings who are usually quick but can hurt alot for that 1 or 2 seconds and tattoos which can hurt a bit and are drug out. The main thing they have in common is that they all depend on placement on the body.
With the pain included people would expect that there would have to be a good reason for doing such a thing to the body. I know that the main reason people put themselves through such things is that it is a form of self expression. Tattoos generally express much more than piercings do because when people see piercings they usually don't think of why someone got them but just how they look. With tattoos the art is usually symbolic, an obvious symbolism could be a cross and the person may have gotten it because they are a christian. A deeper symbolic expression of the same tattoo though could be that maybe their grandfather gave them a cross when the person was younger and that tattoo may not be because they are religious but because it is in memory of their grandfather. Alot of expression can come from a single tattoo no matter how small or large, whether it be an opinion, an emotion or something on a scale that no one really understands except the one who has the tattoo. Piercings can be as expressive, but usually are not. In different cultures, usually primative ones, piercings are used as right of passages. Some piercings could designate the coming of age or the status of a person. In American society piercings could be done to try to show of "machoness" or in my case because it is an addiction to the rush it gives. Now I know those who don't have many piercings may think that is sick, but those who have more than small gauge ear lobe piercings they may understand what I mean.
Another reason some got such things done to their body was to stand out, but in todays society it usually doesn't stand out all that much, well not as much compaired to how it would 10 or so years ago. Today some reactions are still ignorant or biased to those who have body art done, wether it be piercings, tattoos, or something else. Picture a stereotypical biker, what are two of the things usually related to them? (keep in mind I said stereotypical) usually the two things are tattoos and criminal/rowdy behavior. In 6th grade I was in a DARE program, for those who don't know it's an anti drug thing...complete bullshit. Anyways, we were all told to come up with how a drug dealer supposedly looks. The answers were all pretty much the same and consisted of tattoos, piercings, long hair, trashy clothes etc. Reactions to piercings are usually more harsh than tattoos because tattoos have been around longer than piercings and society has had more time to adjust. Piercings usually cause more trouble for getting a job than a tattoo may. Tattoos are also usually seen as drawings as opposed to holes or metal in your skin. So even though both are a form of body art usually only tattoos are seen as real art where those who don't understand see piercings as a disfigurment of the body.
With both being a form of body art, having pain involved, expressive, and costly they have quite a bit of difference as well. It's really just a case to case basis on which a person chooses and what kind they get.

The week of Awesome.

2004-10-27T09:08:00.000-04:00

Ey everyone, another update, actually got quite alot going on for just a week. Thing is though it's all been kickass. First off I got my haircut short, above my ears short. I havn't had it this short for 5 years, I like it though, A LOT easier to take care of and doesn't get as annoying. Secondly I got a new piercing, this one was in my upper ear. The piercing itself is called an industrial piercing, it's when a rod is put horizontally through the cartilage in the top of the ear. This piercing is probably one of the more painful i've had since you can actually hear the tear of the cartilage due to it being right on the ear. I also got a playstation 2 with some extra money I forgot I had around my room. I've been addicted to that lately and playing that a lot which has kept me off the computer as of late. Last but not least I got my license *ROCK* yup I got it on my second try. I did everything perfectly except I went like 3 or 4 miles per hour over the limit in a 15MPH zone and when I went to turn right on a red light the person to my left started to go as well but I didn't stop because I was already in the middle of the intersection even though they had the right of way. So I got a haircut, got a new peircing, got a PS2, and got my license. Definatly a week of awesomeness. Well that's it for the update for now, I'll get back to this later. Till then this is Jeff reminding you rock is dead...long live paper and scissors. (Yea I stole it from a shirt..least I admit it)

Classification Essay (Assingment)

2004-10-22T09:54:00.000-04:00

I was alone and sick, my friends were all out having fun and I couldn't do much more than lay in bed and feel lonely. I heard the door creek though and looked to it knowing no one else was home, not seeing anyone come in I just continued to watch TV figuring maybe a window as open. All of a sudden there was a small pressing on my legs and I looked to see my dog, Mindy. Mindy was lonely too apparently and we were able to keep each other company while watching TV together. She seemed to know I was sad somehow, she got up next to me right under the blankets and cuddled up in an attempt to make me happy. It helped a lot, though it was not silent just yet as I heard more noise, on my computer desk I saw Gabriel, AKA Kitty. Kitty was more of a mischievous little bastard than a cuddly loving pet like Mindy. I didn't love Kitty any less though. He has his own way into my heart as all pets do to their owners. Whether they are Loving pets, Amusing pets, or Business pets. Pets that seem to have some sort of empathetic link and unconditional love are the group of pets that Mindy fits into. These pets are loving pets, the kind of pet that comforts you when you have had a rough day or spends time with you when you’re just bored or alone. Mindy is a tiny shitzu about 20 pounds or so in weight with black and white hair. She craves attention and care all the time which can be a burden because when all you want to do is sleep you can hear her letting out slight groans or whines to pet her constantly and god forbid you stop for even a second, if you do she ends up putting her nose up under your hand to try to get it back on her head. Mindy prances and walks like she has some sort of princess concept going on. She needs her treats broken up into three pieces and her food mashed up with a fork on a paper plate before she will eat either of them. With the love and care she gives me I fulfill the demands she has and we both turn out happy in the end.
Kitty…psychotic, homicidal, megalomaniacal, loveable kitty. Kitty is my cat. He’s the kind of pet that isn’t always there for you when you’re sad or need someone to cuddle, but he isn’t loved any less for it. These kinds of pets make up for their lack of compassion with an often unique personality. Kitty is by no means cuddly but he adds a spice to the house by seeming to always being around and being involved in everything in one way or another. Often you can find him in corners or on top of high spaces watching your movements as you put food away or set something important and new up such as a bouquet of flowers. Now kitty has a mission, in his mind he doesn’t see a bouquet of flowers or some food kept fresh in plastic wrap. He sees a conquest and is quite aware what he is about to do is wrong. So I sit in my room playing my games while Kitty continues his mission of mischief and mayhem only to be interrupted by my grandmothers screaming voice “Damn cat! Get out shoo shoo!” I sigh and get up and move out there to see what he has done now only to be greeted by the sight of a large amount of flower pedals strewn about the floor and my cat simultaneously licking his lips and shaking his plastic wrap covered claws. My grandpa and I laugh as I clean it up and the cat slinks away to hide and let my grandmother calm down. So despite his lack of comfort, he brings personality to the house, whether it is through slight mischief with waiting around the corner to paw your feet, or simply standing by watching you with a curious inquiring look making it obvious he is taking notes.
Now as for business pets I have no personal example of my own pets, but I do have one that can be an example from an experience of mine. My uncle Ray is in prison for attempted theft or something I don’t know the exact term, but he got caught attempting to steal from someone’s house. Unfortunately for uncle Ray these would be victims of theft had a rather large rotweiler who happened to be trained to be a guard dog. I obviously was not there to witness the account, but I did get to talk to my uncle and he said the dog tackled him as he tried to walk out with a TV and just held on to him by the arm not letting him go. Now he didn’t put it as nicely as that, but he did say he was relieved when the owner called for the dog and the dog let Ray go. These kinds of pets can range a lot in personalities whether they’re nice to owners or just loner pets who function for however they’re trained. Ray ended up getting 3 or so years in prison because of a dog…well that and the fact that he tried to steal.Although there are vast differences in these three pets they all have ways into the owners hearts, otherwise they wouldn’t be pets at all. The cuddly pets who enjoy your love and attention as well as return it when you are down or alone. The amusing pets that love you, but have a funny way of showing it with that mischievous look in their eye you know they are up to something. Then the business pets who are trained to do a function and have no real set personality for the group, they could be a vicious guard dog who could turn on even his owner when it has had enough or an attention craving drug dog who is all business on the field, but loveable when off duty. No matter the pet type it is known they will find their way into the owners heart one way or another.

2004-10-18T09:24:00.000-04:00

I've looked over my blog and realized it has been a while since I've done one of my regular non-assignment posts. Hmm..what's been going on lately? Well for one thing I've oddly enough been getting interested in watching baseball, mainly the red socks. Though i'm not sure though why that is, I'm thinking it might just be because I like to watch close games and since i've started watching during the ALCS there has been alot of close games. I'm not freaking out or anything, but it's all still interesting. Next topic, turns out my ex-girlfriends house burned down, she is an ex but a friend so I feel bad for her and the family she's living with. A while ago I gave her a cat named Monkey and unfortunatly the cat died in the fire, I was depressed from it for the following days, but at the same time thankful it was not a cat I had known for a long time of my life. I don't blame my ex at all for the death of the cat, but the event is still sad none the less. Next on the agenda...computer class...I like computers, I get along with them well, they're fun, but the computer class i'm in is shit. Holy shit I feel as if I have not been in a more boring class. Turns out i'm failing it though and I know why I am, it's because I skipped an assignment due to not knowing how to do it, something to do with Microsoft Word and getting columns or some shit to work on it *shrugs* oh well. I figure i'll make up for it because I know how to do everything else so far. I'm not overly concerned about it for the time being. Hmm what else? Oh! I went to a Godsmack concert on the 13th, it was accoustic as opposed to the other concerts I have been too which were all headbanging and moshing. The concert was fun regardless though, I had gone with the ex mentioned above and had front row seats. Unfortunatly I was about 2 seats away from this annoying drunken asshole who kept whistling as loud as he possibly could right next to my ear and screaming random shit...I wanted to punch him in the head, but alas, not violent and didn't want to get kicked out from the show. The set for the concert was awesome though, large statues, incents, candles, multi-colored lights, definatly awesome....Well I figure that's most of what is new lately so I am off since the end of class nears, I'll try to be more common with the updating posts. Until then this is Jeff reminding you that winners don't do drugs..but you're a loser so go for it.

Blog Comments (Assignment)

2004-10-18T09:19:00.000-04:00

I commented on three blogs.

http://disgruntledignorance.blogspot.com (Someone I met online who seems pretty cool)
http://wwwaboutme.blogspot.com (Trysha Jean, in the same class)
http://jack25.blogspot.com (Also in the same class)

Classification Intro 2 (Assignment)

2004-10-17T23:00:00.000-04:00

Classification Intro 1 (Assignment)

2004-10-15T09:09:00.000-04:00

Cats, dogs, fish, farrets, rabbits, lizards, the list goes on with the many kinds of pets people can have. Everyone has different reasons for having pets whether it's just the company or some sort of job they may have for them. Overall however there is a constant with pets and that is the three types. The three types of pets are loving, amusing, and business. Everyone has a preference of some sort and sometimes don't always get what they expect, but usually each has their way into the owners heart. Even if they are not what the owner expected each types traits and personalities has their own unique way to bond.

So close yet so far...

2004-10-06T09:28:00.000-04:00

Well I went for my drivers license test yesterday (Oct 5th) didn't do too great, but it was only my first try so I wasn't too bummed about it. I hear probably 90% of males fail their first try so I pretty much expected to fail though I still tried my best. Turns out I am not too good at turning, ending up making them either too wide or too sharp. I also messed up on backing up straight which kind of sucks because I did it perfectly every time I practiced. I have my date rescheduled for 3 weeks later, that gives me plenty of time for practice. When that time comes around I'll post the results, until then I'll just have to keep up the practice.

The Change (Cause Essay Assignment)

2004-09-29T09:25:00.000-04:00

The Change

"I FUCKING HATE THEM ALL!" I screamed inside my mind as I sat quietly in my room thinking of my classmates while I was in middle school. "Life isn't fair" I reminded myself of that cold hard fact at least once a day. Now I was not some soon to be Columbine copy cat, I didn't think that way at all, I wasn't violent at all. Everyone grows up differently, I had a charmed family life, my social life was hell though. It caused most of those "issues" everyone has yet are so unique to each person when you get into the specifics. Throughout middle school and most of my high school life my mood ranged from depressed to severely depressed to suicidal. Though there were rare bits of happiness that if I was lucky lasted a whole day. I say "through most of my high school life" because it eventually stopped, I didn't so much grow out of it as I just simply changed myself and who I was. Three general things led to this change however and they were realization, medication, and determination.

Realization was the beginning of the change. With a lack of interest in much of anything I had a bunch of free time as you can imagine. I had the same "fractured wisdom" as I call it, that I have now. I just didn't share it with anyone or use it openly. While I was lying on my bed though listening to music hoping to fall asleep to make time pass by my eyes opened as I thought about everything. I realized I didn't have to take their shit. I didn’t have to put up with their whispers about me when I talked in class. I won’t put myself in the position to be used and abused. I tried to make friends and they asked to borrow money I’d lend them a dollar or so for the lunch room only to be ignored after they spent it. I was too nervous to dress how I wanted, say what I wanted, to nervous to be me. Screw them, I’ll do what I want and if they don’t like it I’m not going to be the one pissed off about it. This realization of the fact that my depression and personality was in my control caused me to start to think of ways that I could change and get help if I needed it, it helped me realize that it was up to me, not them, to choose how my life would be whether my peers liked it or not.

I focused and changed what I could, but some of it wasn't simple environment caused depression. Unfortunately some of it was in my system, chemical imbalances in my mind. Mood swings, long term depressions, impulsive acts, a lot of it wasn't something in my control, it was in my genes. For this I went to my grandmother, she was someone who I could relate to in this case because it was also in her genes and she could give advice. We talked and ended up going to see my doctor about it, after explaining and talking with him he suggested a couple of medications, but we only went for one at a time to be safe. Over time, coupled with my determination, they helped greatly change my internal issues into something I could deal with and control for the most part.

Determination is my strong suit when it comes to solving problems that I want to solve. When there is something I truly want then almost nothing can get in my way. I made a great deal changes in my life to try and change myself and how I acted. First off came drugs, mainly pot, I stopped doing this because I didn't need the imbalance it threw into my chemicals and mood, so this along with alcohol stopped. I took some Buddhist beliefs into my lifestyle one of which was no mind altering substances. I went to the point to stop drinking soda and exercise as well. This helped my physical appearance and made me happier with it, I lost about 30 pounds in the course of a month and a half or so. So I changed my physical and my habits, next came mentality. I always cared what others thought, to the point of changing myself out of worry. I gave this up, if they don't like what I think, my beliefs, how I acted, screw them they can deal with it. I wouldn't be the one pissed off, I'd be the one happy because I was doing what I wanted when I wanted. I was determined and they weren’t going to stop me.

It's been about 5 months now and I'm doing well, while writing this I realize I'm quite the opposite now. Before I was usually depressed where if I'm lucky my spurts of a good mood lasted a day. Now though I'm usually content if not happy and I still have those spurts, though now they are of depression and if I’m lucky they only last a day. Though who doesn't go through rough times? I've lessened on the Buddhist beliefs, I still meditate though I use "mind altering substances" every once in a while though I make sure it isn't in an attempt to escape. All in all I turned most of my internal life around and some of my social life. I'm happy with this change and hopefully will be able to maintain it.

Intro 2 (Assignment)

2004-09-26T22:08:00.000-04:00

"I FUCKING HATE THEM ALL!" I screamed inside my mind as I sat quietly in my room thinking of my classmates while I was in middle school. "Life isn't fair" I reminded myself of that cold hard fact atleast once a day. Now I was not some soon to be Columbine copy cat, I didn't think that way at all, I wasn't violent at all. Everyone grows up differently, I had a charmed family life, my social life was hell though. It caused most of those "issues" everyone has yet are so unique to each person when you get into the specifics. Throughout middle school and most of my highschool life my mood ranged from depressed to severly depressed to suicidal. Though there were rare bits of happieness that if I was lucky lasted a whole day. I say "through most of my highschool life" because it eventually stopped, I didn't so much grow out of it as I just simply changed myself and who I was. Three general things led to this change however and they were realization, medication, and determination.

Intro 1 (Assignment)

2004-09-24T09:18:00.000-04:00

You're alone at home playing a game, a fairly good one at that, good graphics, good story, fun interactions. You don't care though there's no feeling of fun to it you just do it to distract your mind and make time pass, there is no enjoyment. You could probably hang out with friends, but why bother if you're just going to ruin their fun by tainting it with your aura of melancholy? The mall, the movies, the television, friends, all things that entertain others yet none seem to have any interest to you. You look at the clock seeing if enough time has passed yet for you to sleep and escape reality only to wake up for another day to rinse and repeat. This is no life to live being absored in the loathing of reality, life, and yourself, "why not just end it?" was a common thought going through your cacophony of unorganized thoughts....Welcome to my mind, how it was then anyways, this is now though and I've changed. Why did I change? What got me out of that hell? The three general saviors were realization, medication, and determination.

Better to have loved and to have lost....

2004-09-22T09:05:00.000-04:00

Well for those of you who read my previous post titled "damned if I do damned if I don't" remember the girl I was talking about. Just want to say that she isn't actually as bad as I said, she does tend to do that sometimes, but I also wrote it when I was annoyed. Anyways, turns out after thinking on it for a while I broke up with her. A mix of treating me unfairly and her not being ready for a relationship drove me off. She didn't like herself at all and that made it hard for her to care for someone else. I tend to be fiercly independant and that trait of mine along with her personality didn't mesh well at all. I ended up feeling as if she attempted to manipulate me and control me, even if it wasn't what she was doing, it's how it felt and I don't stand for things like that. I am who I am and the only person who will change that is myself. She had good traits ofcourse, as anyone does, but they were unfortunatly blotted out by her self-hatred which led to constant depression. I want her to be happy, but it isn't something in my control, it's only something she can change. Even then she has to want to and that means getting insurance, seeing doctors for possible medication and maybe a counselor. She may have a fear or hatred of doctors, but such things are going to have to be overcome by a want to be happy and until she wants it bad enough then it won't override that fear or hate and she will be stranded where she is. I honestly hope she gets better and she can find happieness, I still love and care about her, but as much as I want to be I cannot be her savior.

Responce to Cause Essay (Assignment)

2004-09-20T09:25:00.000-04:00

After reading the cause essay on the reasons love can fail I thought on past relationships somewhat and I really can agree on the three factors the author of the essay mentioned, dishonesty, fear, and selfishness. There are other factors in unique situations to others ofcourse, but these three seem to fit most break-ups that have happened to me and I have heard of from other friends. I tend to be a mix of a realist and a romantic. Realist in the sense of believing that love can and usually does hurt, but it obviously doesn't always hurt, look at couples that have been married for 50 years plus and are still happy. Romantic in the sense that even with the risk and likely hood of pain in the end of relationships that they should still be given 100% of who you are because what if the relationship you are in is "the one" as some call it. I am also a firm believer that if your true un-restrained self is not given to the relationship then it can not be fully enjoyed. Now from self experience I know it is much easier said than done to just throw past hurt aside and try to forget the times you may have been betrayed or crushed. I also know though from self experience that paranoia, what the cause author called fear, is a destroyer of relationships. I have been accused of cheating previously when I would never think of cheating on someone in my life even if I believed they deserve it I would sooner breakup with them and go to someone else than cheat on them, both because I know what it is like and it goes against my morals. All in all I agree with the three key reasons the author gave, but don't agree that it always ends in heartbreak.

My Personal Jesus (Person Graf Assignment)

2004-09-19T22:08:00.000-04:00

I was listening to the song "Personal Jesus" by Marilyn Manson when I was thinking of who to do this Graf on. Some of the lyrics reminded me of a person in my life who is like a Jesus of sorts to me. Someone who cares, listens to my problems, forgives me for my sins or mistakes of sorts, understands my flaws and still loves me. That person is my grandfather. I've lived with him since I was born because my dad died before I was born and my mum was ofcourse in no emotional or mental state to be able to take care of a child since it happened so soon before I was born. Though she didn't abandon me or anything don't get the wrong idea I love her and talk to her all the time. Though as I grew up my grandpa was always my father figure and always spoiled me but also disciplined me and taught me right from wrong to make sure the spoiling didn't go to my head. Probably 90% of my moral standings and personality comes from my grandpa, everything from my sense of humor to my manners and my morals has been learned from him. There is ofcourse some of that from my genes but that's not what i'm talking about here. My grandpa is probably one of the most unique people I know in this world. I view almost everyone as having one of the seven sins of sorts, most know em, Gluttony, Envy, Lust, Wrath, Avarice, Sloth and Pride. My granpda though I havn't seen any of these in him. He's almost always optimistic seeing the goodside in most everything that happens even where others would get depressed from it. When I have personal problems I can always talk to him about them no matter what they are, he's known about all the things that most parents would punish their children for such as sex, alcohol, and pot. My grandpa didn't punish me though he just talked with me to make sure I keep them in check, he showed faith in me to be responcible and not get addicted or abuse such things, he knew there were more important things in life than experimenting with drugs or having sex as long as I'm responcible about it all. Since he's known though I've given up smoking pot and don't drink alcohol all that much. Though he hasn't only helped me either, when I have friends in trouble whether it be abusive homes or just hard situations he has taken me on half an hour to hour drives to pick them up at 10 or 11 at night so they could stay the night at my home. Though he is careful to not interfere in another family's business also, he makes certain not to cross lines like that. So with all that i've done or havn't done all he's greeted me with is forgivness, love, and wise advice. My grandpa, or "papa" as I call him, is my personal Jesus.

Boredom..one day it will drive me sane..

2004-09-13T18:45:00.000-04:00

Holy..crap..I've been sitting here since I got home which was about noon and I have absolutly nothing to do. Usually I would be hanging out with friends or something, but all the friends I used to hang out with before college are gone in one way or another. One becamse a drug addict which I couldn't help at all so now all he focuses on is getting his next hit of pot or something and the only people he'll hang out with are other drug users whether it's pot or something else. Some people smoke it for fun some smoke it to get away from problems, the last one is what causes people to get all desperate for it...pathetic. One is busy with highschool, his job and doesn't live too close. There are others but I don't see a point in explaining all of em. I don't have my license yet so I can't go see people or get a job since i have no way to get back and forth. I do my homework early when I get desperatly bored..then what? No available friends, no job, no homework...I'd hesitate to say i'm a loser only because all this stuff isn't in my control..I'm waiting for my license and well I guess the friends bit is partially in my control I just tend to be slow at making new friends. So for now my only form of entertainment is the occasional chat, some loud music and randomly posting in the blog. By the way if anyone from class actually ends up reading this and cares to message me on AIM my SN is NocturnalDeity08 .

Sponsored by: Invisible Industries Inc. "If you don't see it, we made it"

My First Concert

2004-09-13T09:38:00.000-04:00

Those who have read some of my previous posts know I have a passion for music, not so much playing or writing it but more listening to it. Music CDs are nice to listen to, but they don't come close to the experience of being at a music concert. The roar of the fans, the excitment in the air, the looks on their faces knowing they're clinging on to every word that emits from that singers mouth every note that erupts from those instruments. My first concert was a Korn concert and it was awesome. There is nothing like the feeling of being surrounded by people who have the same fashion sense as you, who listen to the same music you do, the feeling of acceptance for being who you are is something most everyone longs for and it is something that is achieved in mass amounts at music concerts. So I'm there with some friends, the band opening for Korn is Disturbed, I'm not a big fan of them but I don't mind them either, it tends to be forgotten when you are not a big fan of an opening band though because of the energy that everyone else has it's like a natural drug.
Disturbed had a nice ground floor going people were shoving back and forth, crowd surfing, some mosh circles happened, devil horns going up into the air, it was great. Now for those of you who don't know much about rock concerts, when mosh pits happen it seems like people are just picking at random others to shove and throw around like they want to hurt them, this is not the case though. Mosh pits are more to create a rush for those willing to take place in them, get the energy from the music out in a physical form, it is usually just shoving though punches have been known to happen and when it happens then the agressor is usually thrown out (i've seen that happen before) when a fan falls in the mosh pit it is etiquette to pick them back up and make sure they're fine then continue with the pit, no harm no foul. I sometimes take places in mosh pits though not for too long because I tend to get claustrophobic and blank out.
Eventually Disturbed finished up, it was a break for anyone who needed to go to the bathroom or get some refreshments, water is usually passed around and dumped on heads etc for hydration reasons. After about 20-30 minutes a sort of intro video started up on the stage it was massive, people started screaming and chanting, the excitment started to build up again, more than the previous bands..this was the main attraction. The members started to come out one by one the roars only got louder and I can't deny that I was in on that too. The air was humid, reeked of pot, people were drenched in a mix of water and sweat, but no one cared, the band that entertained all of them was about to play, the music that for me and probably many others was an outlet to deal with problems and stress of everyday life. Then the lead singer, Jonathan Davis, came out onto stage, the crowd went nuts as the first song started. I took a moment to look away from the stage, look at everyone who came from all over Maine and some even out of state to see this band they loved, eyes wild with excitment, love, energy, some even had tears. The crowd was practically Korn's followers almost, they hung onto Jonathan's every word and performed any command he asked. They clung onto every note from Munky, Head, David and Fieldy's instruments. One song came on and Jonathan asked everyone to get their hands in the air they all started moving simultaniously to the beat it was amazing..it was like some sort of army trained to strict perfection of moving in sequence.
Ofcourse, as all good things do, the concert eventually came to an end. Now anyone who has been to a concert they loved knows the "after concert" feeling, for some it lasts for days for others just the night. It's that feeling where you wish that you were still there and the band was still playing, that you could still feel the energy of everyone around you and still express every ounce of energy you had whether it be in yells, shoves, crowd surfing or tears you just wish that it was still going on. That for me is what keeps me going to concerts, that feeling you get when you are there..the rush..it's not fully understood unless you experience it yourself though, like I said before..it's practically a natural drug.

Chest of Memories (Thing Graf Assignment)

2004-09-13T09:18:00.000-04:00

In my room on my computer desk there is a small wooden polished chest about six inches tall, one foot wide and six inches long. The chest has two small golden lion heads on the front each with a small ring in the mouth like a door knocker of sorts and in the center a small latch where a lock could be put in place. This chest holds items that remind me of past events both sad and happy. Concert tickets, prom tickets, small gifts from friends and family, and items from vacations as well. I have tickets from various events, my first music concert and the ones that followed that, highschool prom tickets, and universal studios tickets from a vacation with my grandpa to florida. The concerts I went to were great fun, I remember the feeling after each one wishing that they were not over every time, the adrenaline from the mosh pits and loud music, the feeling of the bass and drums in my body from the close proximity of the speakers, and the sore aches felt for the next couple days to come.
My proms, though fairly boring, were nice to be at to hang out with various friends and ofcourse my date. I have the tickets from the proms as well as small plastic cups stuffed with various items such as embroidered napkins and small candies etc. The music wasn't that great and I am not much of a dancer, but those were not the important things to me, it was about being there with friends and attempting to have a good time.
Small gifts from friends and family are also kept in there, mostly rings and hand made items. I have my school ring in there as well though not a gift it is still a decent memory item. I have a ring from my mother which she gave me for my birthday, a necklace my grandmother got for me when she got back from a long trip, and a small figurine of my cat (we all know how much I love my cat) that my friend Katie made for me.
My chest of memories is something I usually have guarded quite well and don't let many into because there are some other items in there I keep as well, ones of more private memories which I don't enjoy explaining. I've had the chest for a few years now and will continue to add to it until it is full.

"You laugh because I'm different I laugh because you're all the same."(Unique Graf Assignment)

2004-09-08T09:25:00.000-04:00

-The Surface-
I enjoy dark colors of clothing, usually black or dark blue. I tend to wear band t-shirts or shirts that express an opinion or like of certain things such as tattoo studio shirts or smartass comments with a point. My hair is dyed though the roots now show, my breath is often clean as is my body, my nails are usually mid length and clean. Cleanliness and opinions are reflections of my surface.

-The Flesh-
I enjoy body art and body modification such as peircings and tattoos. My mind changes too often for me to want to get a tattoo at this point in time but I have gotten a few peircings which consist of a labret, three eyebrow rings and two nipple rings. I have multiple scars everywhere due to various events in my life from cat scratches to slipping and banging my shin off a bus. Memories and expression are marks on my flesh.

-The Mind-
I consider myself an intelligent person who learns quickly from their mistakes and watching others mistakes as well. I am able to learn most anything quickly by learning hands on or having it explained to me with visual aids as opposed to just words. To stimulate my mind I often play strategy games, solve riddles, and argue just for the sake of arguing. My key faults focus mainly around a short attention span and thinking to fast for my own good resulting in mistakes. Though even with a short attention span when I am focused and determined almost nothing can get in the way of my end goal. Determination, insight, and intelligence echo through my mind.

-The Heart-
I love music in general, not a specific genre. I love studying how people think, usually not specific people just a population in general. I also care for my family, friends and girlfriend deeply, to the point I would do probably anything for them. I care about how those I love feel and the problems that burden them, freely welcoming them with open arms and sharing their pain in any attempt to make them feel better. Passion and emotion is pumped through these veins by my heart.

-The Soul-
My soul is free, chaotic and strong. I stand for what I believe in and am not easily swayed in points of view. Some say I have few morals but what I do have for morals are strong beliefs that never faulter. I believe in freedom from authorities who abuse their powers though I also believe some authority figures are required. When I see someone who I believe to be undeserving treated wrong, abuse, harassment, etc. Then it really gets to me on the inside and I feel a need to make it right, though it's bothersome when I am not in a position to be able to do such. Freedom, chaos, integrity and justice fuel my soul.

All of these combine to form me and who I am, my personality, my beliefs, and my actions. All of these combine to form my unique self.

(/end dramatic conclusion)

Computer Desk Inventory (Assignment)

2004-09-07T16:38:00.000-04:00

Inventory of Bedroom Computer Desk

-CD rack and side shelf full of 100+ computer and music CDs
-Mug holding 37 pens and pencils, most of them broken
-Tower computer with monitor, four speakers, web cam, keyboard, cable modem, router and mouse with mousepad.
-3 hardcover game books 2 of which are open and on the sides to read.
-Weekly pill container with random days empty and some full.
-Finger nail clippers
-Broken talking parrot toy
-Two empty used cups
-Medium sized old stereo
-Printer
-Another side shelf full of about 5 game books, a couple notebooks and two folders.
-A broken TV remote
-CD holder holding blank CD-R discs
-Instruction pamphlet and remains of a box for a pen drive.
-Recently used candle.
-Hydrogen Peroxide
-Eye conctact cleaner.
-Small chest holding various items from past times (concert tickets to slipknot, korn and linkin park, prom tickets, pictures)
-Nasal spray for allergies.
-Clean hankerchief.
-Various wires connecting the computer to its utilities (cam, mouse, keyboard, monitor etc.)
-Black and white clay hand made "hail kitty" figurine.
-Old college information papers.
-Senior Prom school glass filled with items from the senior prom (embroidered napkin and candies)
-One thoroughly dead masquito.

What's this say about the owner?
It seems the owner isn't organized in the slightest, but doesn't have a problem finding what he needs since it is all out in the open and not covering other items up. The owner is also apparently a packrat since many of the items on the desk don't even work anymore like the old toy parrot or TV remote. He also seems to like to hold on to good memories such as music concerts, proms and old friends. The user of the desk apparently doesn't mind having trash on the desk though it eventually gets cleaned up otherwise there would be alot more. Whatever goes on with the computer is probably loud since the volum on the speakers are near max. The user is also a big gamer as far as computers go. However as unorganized as the owner may be he does keep his appearance good judging by the finger nail clippers. Schedules are sometimes followed guessing by the weekly pill dispenser as monday, tuesday, thursday and sunday are empty but the other days are not, so it's apparently an if he remembers to take them then he does otherwise they're forgotten. Overall the person seems to enjoy having fun, has his own style of organization, keeps items whether working, broken, memorials or pointless, multi-tasks and goes with the flow of whatever he feels like doing.

College Composition..hell on earth or not too bad? (Assignment)

2004-09-03T09:33:00.000-04:00

The class I feared for college, my english class, hasn't turned out as bad as I thought it may. Usually my liking and effort of the class depends on how the teacher's personality is, the same is true in college apparently. My College Composition teacher is named John Goldfine, now what i'm about to say can be seen as an honest opinion or me sucking up though anyone who's read my previous opinion posts knows i'm not one to kiss up to people and avoid offending them if I honestly believe what I say. John Goldfine is actually a pretty laid back guy, quite the contrary of the stereotypical english teacher. He has sworn casually as if it is his natural vocabulary he doesn't over do it and doesn't do it like he is trying to fit in with a younger crowd, it usually has to do with a story he reads or an amusing remark to something that had happened. So I've got a laid back teacher with a sense of humor, but how is he at actually being a teacher? So far so good, he is responcible, actually checked up on the blogs he knew of that his students had up and commented on them as well as offered to answer any questions anyone had. All in all he seems pretty open and accepting as a person, pretty good personality and a good teacher, plus hey his class is usually spent on the computer when he isn't teaching and I enjoy that a lot. In answer to the topic, it turns out the class I was a bit sketchy about when it came to college is not too bad, quite far from a hell on earth as some of my previous english classes had proven to be. I'm over the first hump, the teacher, and now on to the main issue, my composition.

My composition has it's weaknesses and strengths as most everyones does. My strengths consist mainly in the vocabulary area and creativity area though i'm also ok with spelling, but who isn't when they know how to use a spell check? (though i'm actually ok without one..hoked on foniks worced four me). My weakness is mainly puncuation such as cama usage, periods in the right places, run on sentences, stuff like that. I probably have another weakness or two but puncuation is the only one that sticks out at the moment. I figure though that's what i'm here for right? To improve on my weaknesses and hone my strengths which is something I usually do not much think about due to the agony of usual english classes, but with what i've seen so far having a down to earth teacher who is also responcible shouldn't make it all that hard.

Damned if I do damned if I don't.

2004-09-02T18:30:00.000-04:00

Alright, for those who havn't figured it out from my previous free topic posts that I am either going to be writing rants (posts where I end up mainly getting distracted and rambling on about something I don't lke) or something with no point (IE the post about my cat) I may once in a while just take time out to write about myself without ranting, but that isn't right now.

Anyways, just got of the phone with this girl i'm with (more than friends or fuck buddies but not quite boyfriend girlfriend, long story so just stick with me....do the blogger people care if I swear on this thing?) and she asked me to call her right? Saying she wanted to talk about something private but couldn't online because people were reading it. I call and we talk some I ask what is wrong she says nothing, I ask why she had me call, she says she can't remember...so I make the mistake of saying "Then why'd you have me call?" apparently she takes that as me saying that talking to her is not a good enough reason to call....wtf...I asked a question to try to help her remember and she thinks I don't want to talk to her (Note, I got home from my last class of the day and first thing I did was call to talk to her but she was online so I didn't get an answer) I told her that I tried to call without a reason except to talk to her and she completely disregards it..doesn't matter apparently that I called for no reason but to talk to her and see how she was doing. She continues her angry attitude with me and tells me she was trying to have a good day..now I'm aware that backtalking..no matter how logical or right I may feel..is not a smart thing to do..but I'm not a person to sit back and be blamed for supposedly making her feel like shit. I remind her that if she is trying to have a good day then she probably shouldn't just disregard the nice things people try to do and nitpick or take negativly anything someone says. Now I may be in the wrong here, maybe not, I tend to lean more towards not because this isn't something that happened just once, she's picked apart my words before and turned them against me when I didn't even say them with an insulting or sarcastic tone..ofcourse when I bring it up though she asks for examples and well things that piss me off arn't something I tend to try to remember so I ofcourse have no examples on the spot..maybe I should start to take note of everytime she snaps at me or blames something on me and let it build up then just snap back at her and hey when she asks for examples there they are every single time she's twisted my words into something I didn't say or blamed something on me because she is so insecure with herself that she thinks i'll insult her or make fun of her when I can. (/insert breath)

Ok now you may have noticed how I mentioned she hates herself..and she does unfortunatly. So I try to be patient with it and compliment her, tell her she is a great person, use logic to prove it, hell if she was an ugly annoying bad person like she says she is would I be with her? No I wouldn't, it's not like she is a last resort of desperation or something there were other girls to choose from, but I didn't want them I wanted her. I figure that her self loathing probably figures into her snapping at me and such quite a bit because someone who thinks they are ugly, dumb and annoying probably expects assholish((is that even a word?)) remarks or insults. Doesn't give her reason though to call me a liar or crazy because I compliment her or try to be nice, it doesn't give her a right to twist my words around when I ask a question, try to remind her of something, or make a joke. If I wanted to insult her wouldn't I have an insulting not so joking or nice tone? I mean I'm not exactly going to look at someone with a smile, laugh and insinuate that they are ugly or stupid if I was seriously insulting them, not to say I jokingly insult her cause I don't, a woman being ugly or stupid isn't exactly something you joke about (not meant to sound sexist or anything right there)...damn it's been about a half hour since I started typing this..I should rant more often it makes time fly by quick...anyways that's about it and if you've read all this that's cool thanks for checking it out.
This is Jeff..remaining patient taking breaths and hoping to be understood.
( /end rant )

Hail Kitty

2004-09-01T09:45:00.000-04:00

All hail Kitty! Yea Kitty is my cat..creative name eh? Ok, actually his name is Gabriel, but I just keep calling him Kitty or Cat when I see him, not so much out of lazieness just the fact that when I see him I think "cat" so why not just say "cat" when I want his attention. Reason for the title of this post is because of my cat's personality, which is pretty great I might add. He weighs about 15 pounds is light..actually I'll just post a picture of him when I get home i'm in College Comp right now, about to leave actually..so i'll resume this when I get back later today, till then-

Alright as you can tell since the picture is now up I am at home. That is kitty..look at him..so..handsome..so smart..so...majestic. Kitty is pretty cool he seems like an asshole but I know inside that he cares, he doesn't like to show it infront of me though, thinks it makes him weak or something, I dunno. I've had friends who cried here before though and when I went to go talk to em kitty was there rubbin against em comforting and then he saw me and acted like he didn't care about 'em and walked off. He also is quite confident of himself, more arrogant actually, what I joke about as being an arrogant asshole he actually has...on the outside anyways. I have this kitchen cabinet that is about a foot down from the ceiling and he likes to get up there and look down on anyone that passes by if you look at him and he's awake usually he'll squint his eyes to make sure you don't try anything and slightly upnods his head when he sniffs towards you like he is telling you to bring it on. If you just leave him alone he'll usually just watch you to see what your doing if you get close enough and he feels like it he might bat you on the head with his paw then back up incase you decide to retaliate, to retaliate though means destruction of your arm via his secret fighting style which usually involves wrapping his front legs around the arm to make sure if you move he goes with you then digging his back claws rapidly into your arm that he has held while also striking your hand like a snake....devistating indeed. Now kitty is not so much an honorable cat as he usually sucks up to people when they have something he wants, usually a piece of meat from a sandwich or something and once you give it to him and he eats it he's back to his old self unless he can get more. Some other favored tactics of Kitty include waiting RIGHT outside bathroom doors hoping you trip on him when you step out which would then bring him to your face level if you fall and also he enjoys waiting in doorways in which the door is partially open so he can look out it then jump out and attack your feet when you walk by.
So yea, at first meeting most people think my cat as an asshole, hell, he usually is, but I know inside he cares about the people around him and those who are nice to him. Some people say that pets resemble their owners, and well I guess my cat resembles me, nice, sensitive, and caring on the inside but usually quiet and sometimes jokingly an asshole on the outside.
Again, this is Jeff, reminding you that just because Kitty has plans for world domination, re-instating slavery, and mass genocide doesn't mean he doesn't have love and care on the inside.

Worst Teacher Ever (Assignment)

2004-09-01T09:27:00.000-04:00

I never really had a favorite or hated subject in school it usually all depended on the teacher that taught the subject for me to be interested. Whether the teacher was laid back, up tight, funny, serious, responcible, slothful, all of it pretty much came into account for how hard I tried in the subject. Math class for my freshman year in highschool was probably taught by the worst teacher I could imagine, he was not so much strict or an asshole or anything, infact quite the opposite. He was a nice guy, meant well and was there to help students, but as far as keeping interest and motivating goes....well..he sucked. If anyone here doesn't know who Ben Stein is, he is a celebrity known for his mono-tone voice, a complete lack of emotion, this is exactly who my math teacher reminded me of. This teacher that was teaching a subject which in my mind isn't really the most interesting in the first place, had no emotion, no apparent enjoyment for the job, and no enforcment of anything that students should not do. So all in all I ended up sleeping in most of my classes, in the front row none the less, and he didn't wake me or anything (not that I'm complaining about that or anything). I don't know how I really did it maybe I just knew the subject before hand, but I got a B in the class and got tutoring from the teacher when needed, which wasn't very often. So the teacher was a well meaning guy, he was nice as a person and didn't mind talking about things other than the subject, but when it came to teaching the class he was horrid. Nice guy, wrong job.

Why I am Awesome.

2004-08-31T17:25:00.000-04:00

Alright, first off I'm not as arrogant as the title comes off, I just tend to say that I'm Awesome or that I rule, hell I suggest anyone out there with low self esteem tries it, it's pretty amazing what the power of self delusion can do. Reason I actually titled it "Why I am Awesome" anyways is because I figure I could write a little about myself, don't expect a biography or anything though because I need something else to write about for future posts and if I just go on typing up a novel then I'll be screwed when it comes to future posts. I figure i'll start off with some interests or something of the like for those of you who failed to go to my blog profile (Yes...I actually took time to fill it out..boredom forces me to do such things). Music, Music tends to be probably my key interest in life, not so much playing it or singing it or even writing it, just listening to it is enough for me. I enjoy various types of music from classical to heavy metal. I prefer not to hear some types of music such as rap or country but I don't mind listening to it if others like it, I don't really hate any kind of music except for hardcore rap..you know the type..the kind where if it for some idiotic reason actually had a censored version about 90% of it would be cut out, I dunno bout anyone out there reading this but even if it does rhyme I don't care to hear about banging bitches and pimping hos..that reminds me is the plural of ho spells with an added s or like the garden tool hoes..anyone out there who happens to know feel free to inform me. As for the music I do prefer it depends on my mood. I havn't listened to classical for a while so lately I've been more into my heavier selection of bands like Slipknot, Otep and Hatebreed, the "Angry Music" if you will..not that i'm angry or anything I'm actually pretty laid back. Music is pretty much a case by case basis when it comes to people though, some people like pop, rap, jazz, rock, and yes even cRAP <-(note the capitalized bold italics....so witty..) anyways as I was saying it's case by case and as far as i'm concerned people should listen to what they want, i'm not being judgmental here or anything if you listen to the same music I do, cool, if not then you su..er..more power to ya.

Right then, this is Jeff, reminding you I'm not really a dick..i'm just opinionated... and awesome.

Hands Graph (Assignment)

2004-08-31T16:50:00.000-04:00

Idle hands are the devils playtoy, atleast that's how the saying goes. As far as my hands are concerned, I guess that the devil must be pretty bored. The scars from cuts and splinters when they help move heavy objects for my grandfather or when the rose thorns of my grandmothers garden bit back while I took care of them when she was sick. The callous from holding a pen or pencil too hard when I write or the hair that should be longer but ceased to grow out during an experiment from when I was younger and thought fire was fascinating. All are marks, evidence that I usually keep my hands busy and that when it comes me and the devil, well, he might as well move on.